She's supposed to be my best friend. But she truly hurt me this weekend. She did something that I don't know how to handle. It might seem minor but to me it is not.
Instead of keeping it in, I tried to tell her. I tried to communicate. But now she's ignoring me. We have so many plans for the next few months. We're supposed to travel to another continent together in 127 days. I'm supposed to be her Maid of Honor at her wedding. But does she still want that?
Here's the deal: I'm a passionate skier and we have shared this passion in the past. My parents have a cabin in the mountains and she has been over many times both during summer and winter time. She and I have been friends for 26 years. We have had difficult times before but we always found a solution.
Thinking about it, I'm not sure if she really considers me as much of a friend as I do. When she had her first child, she did not chose me as the Godmother. This hurt me but I didn't say anything. 3 years later I wrote her a letter explaining my point of view and she answered that she understood but I had to understand that she didn't want someone who didn't have her life in order (I was in university at that point) to be her child's Godmother because she thought that Godparents should be able to care for their Godchildren in case the parents die. Also, I wouldn't be her next child's Godmother. Well, that almost hurt more but at least she was honest. A little over a year later she had her second child.
When she separated from her boyfriend, the father of the two children, I was there for her. I supported her, I offered everything I had to help her out. She found a new guy and I immediately wanted him in the "family". He's a real good guy and is an amazing parent to her two children. When they announced their engagement and had another baby on the way they asked me 1) to be the Maid of Honor and 2) to be the Godmother. I really have no idea why, I was still in university, still did not have a job and would not have been able to care for a child.
Well, as you can think I was over the moon that she asked me and accepted right away! I probably should have questioned it. Anyways, I was her MoH at the court house and it was wonderful. But it was all somewhat last minute and we didn't have time to organize a bachelorette party. My mental health was shitty at that time and I was in the hospital for that. But I almost didn't dare say anything because I was so f*cking scared that she would take Godmother away from me again. But the Baby was due on my first weekend there so I asked for a special permission to visit her. The Baby didn't come so I asked for a special permission to visit her again. (Every trip cost me 60 bucks, but I didn't care because I was so excited for the baby). The Baby was born and I was happy to meet my little Goddaughter.
Well, for a while everything went fine. We texted a lot and talked to each other on the phone all the time when COVID hit. Well, it sucks but whatever. She kept setting dates in things that I would be involved without checking if I would be available: The date for my Goddaughter's Baptism, the wedding date, etc. I had to rearrange a lot of things and it caused me a lot of stress to make the two dates happen (which eventually were canceled anyways). It's not like I expect her to ask what dates work for me, but just a quick "we'd like to hold the Baptism then, is that alright for you?" would have been nice.
Well, anyways, last year she asked me if I knew a place to go skiing. I tried to convince her to come skiing at my home mountain but she kept saying it was too expensive. In the end I took her oldest daughter on a skiing day on my home mountain, which she messed up majorly in terms of timing but whatever. During summer she posted a few pictures of their family at my home mountain, while I was 10 minutes away. (They live 2 hours away by car (for them) and 3 hours by train (for me)). She didn't inform me that they were in the area and I told her that I was a bit hurt but she explained that it had been a very spontaneous decision so I dropped it.
And now what happened this weekend: It started the weekend before Christmas where we celebrated with our Godchildren. I "walked in" on her and the Godmother of the oldest daughter talking about a Ladies weekend with their partners and children. (My friend, her husband and the 3 kids, Godmother 1 of the oldest, and Godmother 2 of the middle child with her husband and child). Oh and Godmother 2 lives in the town of my home mountain now. So the weekend would take place there. No biggie, they just wanted to play in the snow. Well, I kept hinting that I would love to spend some time with my Godchild in the snow, too. And it wasn't like the hints were super subtle. She did not pick up on them and I did not want to invite myself.
What she did though was post about the weekend. About how much fun they had, how great their children's Goddaughter's are and how their youngest had been on skis for the first time how to ski ON MY HOME MOUNTAIN! She knows how excited I am about skiing, how excited I am about their children's skiing. And how excited I am about my Goddaughter once learning to ski. Well, I wasn't there. And besides not even asking me if I wanted to spend one of the weekend days with them, she sent me pictures of the little one on skis without a comment.
Wow, this freaking hurts!!!!
Well, I told her, I sent her the following text: 💔 you were on my home mountain, the place where I learnt how to ski and you put my Goddaughter on skis for the first time. I would have loved to be there. 💔💔💔
Do you think she answered? Nope, no answer! She's ignoring me.
For the past year I was helping her organize her freaking wedding. I created the wedding website, I communicated with the hotel, I helped her with the decoration. I even created a folder with information and checklists. I thought it was appreciated. Now I'm not so sure anymore. I am not even sure if any of my help is appreciated. Is she using me? She knows I'm happy to spend money if it's for the good of her children or even if it is for her.
I love her to death and would immediately take in all of her children because I love them too! Even if I had to drop out of university and take up a huge bank loan to pay for everything. And until today I was under the impression that she would do the same for me. But would she? Is she using me? Since we live 3h apart (for me, by train - for her it's only 2h since she has a car), she has visited me 5 times. I have visited her every other month, that adds up to 20+ times! I always told myself that was because she has children and her life is more difficult than mine but is it really THAT MUCH more difficult?
I'm starting to question this friendship and I don't know how I want to continue. Should I cancel our trip? Should I back out of the wedding? When should I make the decision? How long should I wait for an apology? I don't know. I'll have to wait for at least another week. Probably until the end of the month. We'll see.
At least I'm feeling better now after writing everything down.
©Mizz
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