"Please don't be too mad", the last words I heard from you before you hung up the phone.
No, I'm not mad, I'm just sad. I miss you. I love you. I want to spend every waking minute with you. And you don't.
Sometimes it feels like I put in all the effort. If I'm not feeling well, I still have to say yes, because if I don't I'll only see you whend we both feel well, and that's almost never. I get that you don't want to leave the house when you're not feelin well but I feel like I keep coming over to yours.
I really don't want to message you tomorrow, I don't want to be the one AGAIN. But on the other hand, will you message me if I don't message you?
You said, maybe we'll see each other tomorrow. Maybe you'll let me come over. Maybe you'll feel good and are rested and get everything done. But I know that's not the case. I know either you won't feel well and not get anything done, or you'll feel good and you'll want to use the time to play your online games and not get anything done. That's the way it always is.
Last weekend you left my place early to do your taxes, now you still use your taxes as an excuse not to come over tomorrow.
I guess, once again, I'm too dependent on you. I should just cut you off for a while and not be the one to initiate anything. We'll see how you deal with it. But then again, I fear that you won't miss me even a tiny bit as much as I miss you and I'll break apart. Because I can't even deal with thinking about losing you. Even the thought of it makes me break out in tears and my heart starts to cramp in fear. So can I really step away for a while?
I have to stop now or I'll start to spiral into a very dark hole!
©Mizz
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